random crap

random crap

Why do people try to delude me into thinking they care for me? I mean nothing to those around me. The medication doesn’t seem to work anymore and I always feel so exhausted all the time. I haven’t felt that blade on my skin in a while and I’m starting to itch for it again. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything scares me now. I flinch at everything. I’m a fragile, overweight, ugly, red-headed lump in society. It’s hard to believe that just recently I felt so happy and carefree. Now nothing brings me joy, my life is just the motions now. Here I sit and type to no one that even knows me. There isn’t a person in my reality that I could even begin to tell this to. It hurts to remain the way I live and waking up is a chore. Living is a chore. I feel so alone.

God it feels impossible sometimes. Out of the very few friends I have, the one I feel closest to won’t put their trust in me. I worry about them, day in, day out, without end. I could tell that she felt hurt, uncomfortable, or alone. Yet all she would relay to me is that she was tired. Am I really not as important as her online friends? Am I not important enough to comfort her? When I think of this I feel so alone. There are so many things I have yet to say to someone, darkness that is still hidden deep within me that only I have experienced. ┬áBecause I have no one to confide in. I feel lost in this world, so cold and alone.

Whatever screw it I’m going to do it anyway. I don’t need people to validate me in any way.

<.<

Well I’ve pretty much given up on my art blog, but I’ll give it one last shot with something new. I am a collector of very odd things that repulses my family. Skulls, vertebrae, and teeth. I also collect antiques and ocean trinkets like a WWII compass and preserved puffer fish. Would anyone even be interested in seeing pictures of these things and ┬áthe adventures of new additions.Also my art once in a while and more normal photography. If so let me know or follow. If not then well I give up :P

the trails are more alive in the summer
the trails are more alive in the summer
the trails are more alive in the summer

the trails are more alive in the summer

orihime hair pins

orihime hair pins

summer time and our lilac tree is healthy

summer time and our lilac tree is healthy

new kitties in the house, have yet to name them, but they are just so squeaky :3
new kitties in the house, have yet to name them, but they are just so squeaky :3
new kitties in the house, have yet to name them, but they are just so squeaky :3

new kitties in the house, have yet to name them, but they are just so squeaky :3

another birthday drawing :D

another birthday drawing :D

continuation of my friend&#8217;s birthday drawings I did for her. :)

continuation of my friend’s birthday drawings I did for her. :)

picture I drew for my friends birthday

picture I drew for my friends birthday