Why do people try to delude me into thinking they care for me? I mean nothing to those around me. The medication doesn’t seem to work anymore and I always feel so exhausted all the time. I haven’t felt that blade on my skin in a while and I’m starting to itch for it again. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything scares me now. I flinch at everything. I’m a fragile, overweight, ugly, red-headed lump in society. It’s hard to believe that just recently I felt so happy and carefree. Now nothing brings me joy, my life is just the motions now. Here I sit and type to no one that even knows me. There isn’t a person in my reality that I could even begin to tell this to. It hurts to remain the way I live and waking up is a chore. Living is a chore. I feel so alone.
God it feels impossible sometimes. Out of the very few friends I have, the one I feel closest to won’t put their trust in me. I worry about them, day in, day out, without end. I could tell that she felt hurt, uncomfortable, or alone. Yet all she would relay to me is that she was tired. Am I really not as important as her online friends? Am I not important enough to comfort her? When I think of this I feel so alone. There are so many things I have yet to say to someone, darkness that is still hidden deep within me that only I have experienced. Because I have no one to confide in. I feel lost in this world, so cold and alone.
Well I’ve pretty much given up on my art blog, but I’ll give it one last shot with something new. I am a collector of very odd things that repulses my family. Skulls, vertebrae, and teeth. I also collect antiques and ocean trinkets like a WWII compass and preserved puffer fish. Would anyone even be interested in seeing pictures of these things and the adventures of new additions.Also my art once in a while and more normal photography. If so let me know or follow. If not then well I give up :P